Tunnel Vision and a Rememberance of a Friend...

10/21/2009

There have been times in my career when I wanted to beat my chest and howl at the moon, days when I felt like primitive man trying to understand complex trigonometry. There have been days when I had the AH-HA moment, like the NASA scientists figuring out how to breach our atmosphere and fly to the stars.

Then there have been times where I have questioned everything I am, my career, my goals, my experiences and my strengths and there are times where I have ridden a huge wave of success. This has not been one of those weeks.

I had a run in with a man who I will admit, at times, I do not like. I am sure he has at times felt the same about me. But through it all I have respected him. I have been impressed with his efforts and skill.

Then there were times like this week when I cringed every time I saw him. Everyday until today. Being an Irish (see also: stubborn) bartender, growing up in the family I did, being in the industry I am, I have learned it is very easy to misread someone’s intentions and get sent into an upheaval of anger.

It has been awkward around the restaurant this week. Dodging glances and mincing words. Both I and my coworker have found ourselves unsure of how to react to one another. When we finally spoke I realized we were, much to my chagrin, untrustingly alike. Stubborn, prideful, idealistic and a tad over protective of our image. Whether it is our own self held images or the images everyone else seems to have of us.

On my part, call it the sin of youth, on his call it the sin of experience. We did find, however, that we have one common ground (or many depending on your view) we both want the restaurant to succeed. I can respect him for that. A lot.

As a human sometimes we tend to lose sight of the big picture. So often focusing on every little thing until we nit pick so much that there is nothing left… It is the human flaw of hubris. We want so much for something to work, succeed, for our own sake, that we tend to over look the fact that one tiny imperfection doesn’t change the over all value of something…

I try so hard every day to make my life, the restaurant, the bar run so smoothly and without error to help myself along, help my career, give me that shot in the arm of self patronizing pat on the back which I (at times)seem to think I need so much, that it snowballs and becomes one big mess.

Sometimes it takes someone else who is under the gun over reacting to something small to make you realize that you have been overreacting to small things all along.

To make matters worse this is one of the worst days I tend to experience throughout the year… Today is the fourth anniversary of Jason’s death. I have dealt better today than I have in previous years (a.k.a. not fall down drunk.)

It tends to be a tough situation for me to deal with. Someone who taught me so much, was such a great mentor, was just gone in a flash of twisted metal. And I never even got the chance to say goodbye. But tonight when I button up the bar, and turn off all the lights, I’ll take the short ride home to my home and do what I have done every year since he left. I’ll pour myself a glass of Crown, throw “Cocktail” in the DVD player and have a toast to my friend…

Until next time Buffalo… Don’t drink anything I wouldn’t…

Mac The Bartender