I'm Tired, physically drained and there isn't much I can do about it. Between work, moving, working on the menu/pricing/order prep for The Club, my regular job at the restaurant and still trying to maintain the normal relationships one could try and have with all this insanity going on. There's one thing that keeps me going... Caffeine... Whether it's Red Bull, coffee, cappucino or jamming whole bags of unground coffee beans straight into my mouth.
I was up late and my favorite Robert Downy Jr. movie was on "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang." A degenerate thief with a pill addiction who stumbles ass backwards into some awkward situations. I'm not quite sure why I love that movie so much. Who knows?
Lately I've realized that my friends are all as insane as me. Charlie has a caffeine addiction which at times has lead to strange circumstances and situations, such as the infamous cranberry situation three years ago.
You see Charlie and I found it to be a spectacularly bright idea one year (and subsequently every year) during our busiest two weeks to slam two to three 24 ounce espressos a day. Unfortunately for us it lead to many strange looks and confusion with a customer or two (at least on my part) which left them wondering if I was freebasing crack out of a light bulb behind the restaurant.
The bar was three or four people deep after a concert and Charlie and I were all hopped up on Colombian goodness (COFFEE BEANS!) A customer ordered a vodka and cranberry and it was all down hill from there. Charlie fell short and ran to the back to get more. There was none to be found anywhere. Charlie booted the store room door open and fired an empty bottle of Cranberry juice across the bar into a wall.
"CRAAANNNNNBEERRRRRYYYYY!" Charlie yelled at the top of his lungs; like he was Brando in "A Street Car Named Desire." the bar stopped dead. I burst into a fit of laughter and the rest of the bar followed suite. The third bartender tried her best to avoid us, thoroughly convinced we had gone mad.
Someone started singing the tune to "Charles in Charge" and Charlie started to dance. To say Charlie is a bad dancer in to say Elaine from Seinfeld is an OK dancer. It's understatement (and this is coming from a deaf, white, Irish kid.) My fit of laughter continued. I was doubled over stomping my foot, tears streaming down my face. The third bartender hunkered herself down in fear one of our heads would explode and shower her in gray matter.
When I finally gained enough composure to wait on customers again I managed out a "HifriendwelcometothebarwhatcanIgetforyou?" Looks confusing eh? How do you think the poor bastard I said it to felt? He looked at me awkwardly before managing out a "What?"
"WhatcanIgetchabeerwinewhiskeybeerwhiskeybeertasteylibations?" He customer looked scared. "I uhm, can I, get me -- ugh --Beer?" I poured him a draft and snatched his cash. The customer didn't bother waiting for his change. I heard him tell his wife "That fuckin' kid's on something, let's get the hell out of here!" another customer asked if I just got back from skiing. I didn't catch it at the time. Smart ass. "Skiing? It's August? You're funny." I grabbed my coffee cup and pounded away. He figured it out real quick.
The moral of the story is, Caffeine is a horrible, horrible, mean nasty thing... I'm runnin' to Starbucks, anyone want anything?
Until next time... Don't drink anything I wouldn't...
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This is hilarious! I'm starting up one of those days myself.
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