Workplace Drama...

A term that puts any good restaurant manager or chef into a catatonic state of fear. Unfortunately, it is a tool used by half assed managers and manipulative staff to get them whatever they want. The downfall of this is that the customer, ultimately, is the one who pays the heaviest price.

After a long and rather arduous day I decided to retire with a little breakfast in my belly. Given the hours I work and the limited selection of decent dining establishments in the area open at said hour, I despondently headed to Denny's. Also known as the place where food goes to die.

The night manager parked sullenly at the terminal, glared as I walked in. I approached asking to place a to-go order. I was greeted with a "yeah, what do you want." very unapologetically unenthusiastic. I can understand, believe me I can! Working late hours and dealing with drunks is not the most pleasant job on the face of the earth. Trust me sweet heart, I know what it's like far better than you probably ever will.

I order up my Super Bird with hash browns. As I'm doing so, the line cook comes to ask for keys to the office, or supply closet or washroom, who knows. The manager doesn't so much as dignify her employee with a response of any type other than to reach in her pocket and hotly throw the keys at her. Despondent and probably fairly embarrassed the poor girl walks away. I was amazed; I honestly couldn't believe it could get any worse for the poor girl.

Just as those words crossed the threshold of my subconscious I'm smacked with a surprise. The over night waiter, a tall portly fellow with poor skin and hair that screams "I love you Conner Oberst!" walks up to the manager giggling like John Waters at a wig convention. The manager and the waiter begin to laugh about how stupid the cook is. She didn't know which key was the one she needed. The cook, probably too embarrassed from having keys thrown in her face in the first place, asked the server if he could help her.

The server in turn saunters over to the manager, in the process of ringing up my meal, and they proceed to lay down a verbal lashing geared towards this poor girl, stating how dumb she is and how they hate her and she must be a retard et cetera et cetera et cetera.

I stood by in horror and slightly bewildered amusement at just how dumb this pair is. To stand by and verbally abuse this poor girl in front of customers was just plain rude.

Much to my dismay I realize I know the server. I went to high school with him. He was an odd kid, who used to drive a hearse to school, wear a powder blue tuxedo he bought at Goodwill, dress up like a woman and take pictures of himself in a coffin. A kid, who through four years of school was beat up, verbally abused, spit on and generally named whipping boy of the graduating class. Someone who has been through everything this kid has, all the abuse he suffered at the hands of his tormentors to turn around and start acting like this to anyone else was amazing. His Calligula-esque transformation from tormented abusee to tormenting abuser made me sick to my stomach.

I couldn't stand being there another second, my skin felt slimy and used. Kind of like the girl who wakes up after a frat party in bed with two guys... I felt like I needed to go home and scrub every inch of my skin with hot water and a brillo pad. My food came up and I bolted before I started to run my mouth and eventually had the cops called on me. I couldn't stand to listen any longer. Knowing what that kid went through and then watching him do it to someone else was just wrong.

Much to my dismay I awoke at 7:30 in the morning. If that wasn’t bad enough, there was a racking, awful, pain in my gut. Doubled over, praying death would come expeditiously and without hesitation, I kick myself for ordering Denny’s. I finally yacked about an hour or so later. I suppose it was Karma biting me in the ass for not intervening last night. I called the General Manager about an hour later and explained the situation.

Flabbergasted by what I told him, the General Manager tried one of my favorite tricks, the old gift certificate bribe. I told him to cram the gift certificates and that I wouldn't be back. He tried explaining the behavior away. I just laughed.

"You're unbelievable" I said. "I run a restaurant not too far from yours. I would fire myself if I ever did that to one of my employees, and if one of my staff tried pulling that shit with me about a coworker I would have canned there asses right there."

The manager gulps hard. Now that he realizes I'm not some late night grifter looking to get a free meal out of him, his attitude changes substantially.

"I'm so sorry," he says "what was your name again; I'd really like to send you a gift certificate or something."

"I didn't offer it" I replied "and I really don’t want your gift certificate. I just want you to know what the mice are doing while the cat is away." I smile to myself, stupid analogy I know.

The manager apologizes again and hangs up... I know nothing is going to happen to the manager or the waiter, and that the poor waiter will catch so much shit she'll either quit or be fired for a bull shit reason, but somehow my conscience feels clearer, fresher. I know nothing will change, but at least I made the effort.